Soothing myself in the red-hot moment (The trials and tribulations of visa applications)


My partner and I are in the process of applying for residency in Australia. Well he is, I am an Australian. So it is a big move for him. Although for me too, as I have been living in London for almost ten years, however of course, he is relocating to a foreign country and having done that myself I understand how challenging that can be.
Wonderful too, but as you can imagine, or perhaps know from experience, an overseas move is can be filled with challenging times.

I go from moments of knowing it will all be ok to other moments (some premenstrual fuelled) of what one could only describe as worry, agitation, nerves or anxiety. My mind, in what is merely a split second, goes from an ordinary place, focusing on something current and rational, to what can only be described as fantasising about future negative events and outcomes of, well anything that could go wrong. This really doesn’t feel good to say the least.
And here in lies the work, or as Shakespeare would say "Therein lies the rub."

You see I am a Positive Psychology Coach, and even before this term was bantered about, all who really knew me would say I am very upbeat and always looking on the bright side of life (insert Monty Python's jingle here), so when these moments or flashes come to my mind, the work is in caring about my health and wellbeing enough to know that projecting these negative concepts into my future is not my desire, and will not have the wanted effect on my emotional or physiological health.

So what to do? Well, all I or any of us really can do is, in the moment, redirect this unwanted attention towards what it is we really do want.

So, in this case for me, it is for my partner to be residing in Australia with me and for this transition to go smoothly and easily. I would like for us to be making an incredible go of it in Australia. This journey is of course dependant on a whole host of factors and outcomes, so for the moment I will soothe any negative fantasies by focusing on my situation in realistic, manageable stepping-stones to jolt my system into feeling better.

For example I can say to myself

People get visa’s all the time, (I know it to be so and this eases me)

Things are always working out for me, (already feeling much better)

Immediately I am feeling notable improvement, so now I will do a visualisation of what it is that I want.

It is important to have negative emotions, as they serve as part of the spectrum of being a human, and they work as indicators from your inner self (your wise self), to either a threat, or some sort of discord regarding your current situation.

So the best thing we can do is acknowledge these emotions and see them as part of our journey to self-discovery. Listen to what they are telling us, whether that be to listen to them and acknowledge the genuine, imminent danger of a hole in the ground that we need to step around, or whether the path is clear, and we are in fact seeing potholes because we are allowing ourselves to fantasise upon negative notions or events that are not really there.
The decision is yours.


Leave a comment